back from camp, exhausted, grumpy, and with lots to think about

so im home for good. i cried for hours. coming back into life. back into issues. back into my stupid messed up family. back to school. back to finding the right friends, and sticking with them. back to trying my best to live for god. not to sit back and pretend like im doing all that i can for him. cody came to the cabin with me and we had some of the most amazing discussions ever. about living for god, and just parties, and friends, and school, and home, and church, and just all the issues and things we've been facing. its kinda crazy. i already miss the safeness of camp. the happy people. the biggest issues we had to deal with was not having chicken fingers come in, or running out of tomatoes, or not having power. nothing really had to be dealt with. i dealt with my depression. i learned about satan crawling into my mind and taking control of it. taking my over tiredness and using it to his advantage, instead of me giving it all up to god and letting him take care of it, and letting him use me for his will. i dont even know what to think some times. like idk. im just tired. i have so much to do. my ocd is off the wall. my knee is sore, but cody know that his cartilage is torn and has been for a long time and that's why his is so sore. and that worries me because maybe his is worse than mine. and i just want to be taken care of, but how can he take care of me whine i'll be in recovery from surgery and he'll be getting ready to go in. doesnt really make sense does it. ah! im so selfish. and i dont like it. but i still just want to be cared for. and taken care of. and right now i dont feel like caring or taking care of anyone else. so there. blah. im going to go shower. and nap. and be refreshed. and it'll be good. maybe i'll start to unpack the things i've learned this week.

here's some pictures from staff banquet (ignore the knee brace):


Me Jesse and Sam


Moi et Menoukia


me and cody


me and cody again


"Staff camper relations unit!"
"Bridging the gap!!"
james and i were dating campers during the last week of camp, so tecnically we should have been fired :P


Moi et mes frères sydney et Jean-François


me and jill


me and sam


sam lee and me


oh look, me and cody again

life at camp...being a servant

so i'm home for a week. very happy. but i miss camp at the same time. i miss waking up at 6:00 and taking a 10 minute shower so all the other girls get one too. i miss working in a hot kitchen, with a bunch of ladies that stressed out and rushed. i miss chopping lettuce. weird, i know. considering i chopped 4 bags a day (thats 48 heads of lettuce people) you wouldn't think that i'd miss it. i miss all the little things. the people. the joking. the shaking the love around. the coffee time song at 10:00 sung by grandma bricky. i miss having my laundrey done. i miss living with 5 other amazing girls. i love having airconditioning, but its just not camp. i miss serving people behind the hot steam table. that was one of the hardest parts about camp. the only time we got to interact with the kids from camp was when we were serving them. and we just wanted to get it done with. the kids could never make up their minds. and its a stressfull time when you have to serve like 5 things, and make sure they don't touch it, and make them happy with their meal. but thats what being a servant for christ is right? sometimes you don't really like it. sometimes its hard. sometimes you just dont want to be there. but you show up and do your best anyways, because if thats where jesus called you to be, thats where i'm going to be.




in other news, i got a promise ring from cody!! yeah thats what i thought! its beautiful. i almost cried. it was so amazing. he loves me. he wants to be with me. he's going to be with only me. i was so excited. and so happy. :D









So keep following jesus guys. listen to what he has to say. its worth it. keep on keepin on. and yeah love you!