im a horrible dancer. i cant even get into intensive
apparently i am.. i remembered all the exercises.. and i still didnt get in..
i worked so hard.
and im not good enough.
i want to take more than 2 classes.
but i cant, all the ones i want to be in are at the same time as the one im supposed to be in.
i dont know what im going to do next year.
that was my plan for like the whole year.
i was going to be able to dance.
it was going to be my last year.. and ok maybe god has something better planned for my year, but now i dont even know what to plan for…
i just want to know what i was so bad at that they said no.. what made them say no because ive been dancing for this long and ive had 14 years to watch and compare myself to the people i was dancing with and i dont think i was that far behind all of them.. most of them were in intensive last year.. but does that mean that i cant be in it because i wasnt last year.. am i that much worse than them?
I pushed through all those classes for a reason. I went home and cried my knee was so sore sometimes.. but I love to dance.. I feel good when I can dance.. does it mean that all the work I’ve put in for the last 13 years wasn’t enough? I know I don’t have the body, Im built big.. and I have boobs and an ass.. im sorry.. yes my hairs short right now that shouldn’t make too much of a difference I get it up and out of the way.. im not that flexible.. I almost have my right leg.. once I have my splits my left leg will be there.. I promise.. my center are about the same as everyone else.. I remembered all the exercises.. and I danced. I didn’t just do the moves, I danced. I love it. I loved that class. I want to do it. I want to do hours a day. But without the program I cant. There aren’t enough of the right classes for me to take. I don’t know what god has planned at that scares the crap out of me. I want to know if he wants me to keep dancing. What else am I going to do next year. I want to dance. It’ll be my last real year of dancing, and im probably going to end up taking like one or two classes.. instead of the at least 7 I was going to. I could’ve been festival. But nope. Im too fat. Not flexable enough. But what the letter said was my ability isn’t quite there yet. Im probably the only one who didn’t get in. I would almost bet on that. Its ridiculous. Maybe I shouldn’t be this upset. But I am. It hurts so bad. I don’t know what to do with myself. Dancing is my life. And now I cant do it. I was so excited. So ready for it. And I almost had my parents convinced. My dad even knew how much I wanted to do it, and he doesn’t know much about me. Im not in intensive. What am I going to do.
i worked so hard.
and im not good enough.
i want to take more than 2 classes.
but i cant, all the ones i want to be in are at the same time as the one im supposed to be in.
i dont know what im going to do next year.
that was my plan for like the whole year.
i was going to be able to dance.
it was going to be my last year.. and ok maybe god has something better planned for my year, but now i dont even know what to plan for…
i just want to know what i was so bad at that they said no.. what made them say no because ive been dancing for this long and ive had 14 years to watch and compare myself to the people i was dancing with and i dont think i was that far behind all of them.. most of them were in intensive last year.. but does that mean that i cant be in it because i wasnt last year.. am i that much worse than them?
I pushed through all those classes for a reason. I went home and cried my knee was so sore sometimes.. but I love to dance.. I feel good when I can dance.. does it mean that all the work I’ve put in for the last 13 years wasn’t enough? I know I don’t have the body, Im built big.. and I have boobs and an ass.. im sorry.. yes my hairs short right now that shouldn’t make too much of a difference I get it up and out of the way.. im not that flexible.. I almost have my right leg.. once I have my splits my left leg will be there.. I promise.. my center are about the same as everyone else.. I remembered all the exercises.. and I danced. I didn’t just do the moves, I danced. I love it. I loved that class. I want to do it. I want to do hours a day. But without the program I cant. There aren’t enough of the right classes for me to take. I don’t know what god has planned at that scares the crap out of me. I want to know if he wants me to keep dancing. What else am I going to do next year. I want to dance. It’ll be my last real year of dancing, and im probably going to end up taking like one or two classes.. instead of the at least 7 I was going to. I could’ve been festival. But nope. Im too fat. Not flexable enough. But what the letter said was my ability isn’t quite there yet. Im probably the only one who didn’t get in. I would almost bet on that. Its ridiculous. Maybe I shouldn’t be this upset. But I am. It hurts so bad. I don’t know what to do with myself. Dancing is my life. And now I cant do it. I was so excited. So ready for it. And I almost had my parents convinced. My dad even knew how much I wanted to do it, and he doesn’t know much about me. Im not in intensive. What am I going to do.
posted by liz at 4:43 PM
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